Curiosity

May 11, 2012

Sigh

You know, it's such a disappointment sipping and swallowing the fact that some people can be really shallow and self minded when it comes to handling emotions. Finding the one who started the fire should not be the question because it will only solve nothing.

~ ~ ~

I feel like going private with all of my social site accounts.

~ ~ ~

I think I should just remain silent though it's hard. Since other's feelings don't matter to you and all that you know is that you're always right, I should just betray myself and name myself the guilty one. I'll let you win the game. Yes, you win.

Inhale, exhale.

Wait, I don't even know what my fault is but things clearly show that I'm getting a silent treatment. You neglect to tell me, you ignore me. Then how should I know?

Even if the truth reveals that I am the guilty one, why do you have to act childish and get sulky over a small thing? Okay I don't know whether it's just a small thing or what but I know myself better than you are. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't remember myself purposely committing anything hugely sinful to you. If I ever, please, take my heartiest apology and accept it.

Please. Take time to ponder. Until when do we have to be like this? Fake smiles and conversations. Cold shoulders all those pretentious acts. Again, until when? You tell me. I'm jaded of all the dramas. Can we just let bygones be bygones and just bury the hatchet?

~ ~ ~

I love my friends. I always do. This kind of friendship is so special and priceless that I would never ever trade with anything else in the world. A friend told me that people come and go but that's not how I see things. Whether they are good friends or not, they should always be remembered. I would say that friends have shaped me to who I am today because people influence and get influenced.

Having friends is one of the best part of life. Though there are times when I feel like I don't really have friends at all and to deal with the feel of being a pathetic loner which is very hurtful, I know that these times are just one bitter chapter of friendship and time will eventually heal the problems. Is it?

I don't know. There are ups and downs in everything and life is about giving and taking. It's not always about you. The world does not revolve just around you. It's about everything and anyone else too.

Who's to say who is right and who is wrong? You decide.

I'm tired and suffocated. Let's be with God.

Bye.

April 13, 2012

She

One once asked me about the type of girl i wanna marry and i thus answered;

  • Independent 
  • Able to play music instrument
  • Pandai ambil hati
  • Cotton baju kurung with floral motives
  • Tudung
  • Cook and bake
  • Humble
I'm picky and I know it. Bye

March 3, 2012

Semester Break

I brought back my watercolour and set of brushes from Perak with the noble initial intention to practice my colouring technique but ended up never did I even touch them.

I planned to do some sketchings while at home but ended up I even forgot to bring the sketch book back home.

I planned to jog everyday because one day, I don't wanna see me calling people just to commit some toilet businesses but ended up never did I even touch the sport shoes.

I planned to go to the Mosque and perform the solats in jamaah every single waktu solat but ended up praying alone at home. Astaghfirullah.

I planned to read the Koran everyday after performing the solat but ended up rushing back to the tv most of the times. Astaghfirullah.


WHY?

Current life soundtrack

Lana Del Rey - Video Games

February 24, 2012

His Nikmats and His Plan

Allah is really testing me with all of these nikmats and that makes me ponder sometimes. Am I really that eligible to be the recipient of His generosity? After all the wrongdoings that I've committed, all those times when I intentionally forget Him, the obligations that i'm obliged to, why me? Yes, why me?

Entahlah. People say that nikmat yang diturunkan adalah sejenis ujian daripada Allah juga. Maybe it's true. Allah is testing me right now. After all of the sins that I've committed, I still get His rezeki. He want to see my act towards this, how do I handle this thing. He want to see how wise you are. He want to see whether you would ponder and repent or still happily drowning deep inside the sea of kufur.

Astaghfirullah. Please bring me closer to you, ya Allah. Dear friends, please remind me whenever I forget about Him.

So the results for the third semester of my study was out few days ago and truth be told, I was terribly gobsmacked. Seriously terkejut. I never expected to get in the Dean's List for this semester since I believed that I wasn't giving my best during exams and so did to the projects.

Why, God? Why? Well this question keeps lingering on my head until now. I still don't know why and ending up assuming that Allah has His own plan for me. Perhaps?

Maybe this thing too has connection with my self reflection on the second semester's results which I posted somewhen ago;

Morals of the story;
  1. It's always the relationship between God, your parents and yourself. Hold it firm.
  2. Never underestimate your lecturers and talk behind their back. Tuan Haji Zambri, Encik Razak and Wang laoshi to be highlighted.
  3. Peer pressure? You must handle it.
  4. Don't hope too much. The percentage of not getting what you want is higher than getting it.
  5. You know what to do.

First, yes. I think  so. Second, yes. I committed less mengumpat (maybe). Third, yes. I handled it quite good. Fourth, certainly true! I didn't hope too much. In fact, i just tried my best and tawakkal. Que sera sera. Fifth, apa ni? What was i thinking?

Entahlah. Anyways, thank you ya Allah and congratulations to all. It's your effort so be proud of it.



January 12, 2012

Equilibrium of Life

Don't you guys think that time passes faster when we occupy ourselves with something; get ourselves busy and useful, do what we have to do even if it's forced or our own will? Well, it occurs to me. 

Semester 3, out of eight semesters in total, i could already feel the burden. Architecture has started to torment those who are devoting themselves. Generating ideas is not easy as it seems because everything  must follow all the design principles and elements. Plus model making, plus presentation boards, plus assignments, plus compulsory side activities, plus blablabla, these will just increase the pressure and to handle the pressure is not easy. True.

To be frank i would say that this semester is the time when i feel demotivated most of the times and lack in spirit, enthusiasm, energy or whatever you want to call it. And all of these happen for no definite, solid and legit reasons. It just happens as if i'm allowing myself to pass through this unstable phase of me not on purpose. This condition then leads to worse situation. For instance; unreasonably low carry marks. Therefore, to cover all of the loopholes here and there, second chance is given; by hook or by crook, to ace the final exam.

When talking about final exam, these are the papers that i should be acing them. Yes.
 
- Construction Technology 1
- Introduction to Structures
- History of Architecture 1
- Architectural Science 1

InsyaAllah.

Owh by the way, I need to get this latest album of Yuna named Terukir di Bintang. I've been playing the tracks almost most of the times because they are good. Really irresistibly good.


This is the preview of the Terukir di Bintang song. I love it.



For further info, how about reading this review on this album? 
Here:

Obviously, i'm one of those die hard fans of Yuna. Bye.


January 5, 2012

New Year. Resolutions?

When you have so many things to do and time mercilessly acting like a true bitch, you have to act smart. Acting smart requires some wisdom to make it happen and in this case, you have to prioritize things. First thing first as what they say. You can't do everything at a time unless you're gifted with super multitasking power. Do you have it? No.

Most of us humans must be very excited about new years that they celebrate it annually with the way they want it to be. Some would go wild and party hard while some would religiously celebrating it. To put myself in this situation is quite confusing since i don't belong to any of these groups. I don't go partying so i'm not pious enough or easy to say, near to God. So i would just assume myself as semi-ignorant observer as i care but not to much about this thing.

Resolutions. We make it every year, full of hope that we'll fulfill it but i believe that never we fully fulfilled it. Admit it. That is why some portion of realistic humans choose not to make any resolutions because they know the reality, loathing the fantasy of those who plan resolutions but never they fulfilled them. They call these people pathetic but at least they are daring enough to make resolutions, to make even the slightest change towards better themselves when new years come. At least, they try.

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

Life is Wonderful- Jason Mraz

November 28, 2011

This was the reason why;

Time was too expensive. We couldn't even afford to sleep. When twenty-four hours was not enough, when faces were like zombies and when we got designer bags under our eyes. When assignments and projects were left behind, when side things became priorities, when lecturers got mad and when we couldn't do anything to fix it. There we were, busying ourselves just for the sake of this thing. And this was the reason why;

So this is the reason of my disappearance. 26th Architectural Day handled by my batch. With 'ADA' as the theme, we gave our best, draining ideas from our brains and of course money too for this event. The first night was lacking of something here and there but we managed to make a comeback on the second night. Thank you for all those who came and get engaged with the event and not forgetting those who liked our page on Facebook. Yes, we managed to get more than thousand likes, 1046 likes to be exact. Thank you guys!

By the way, this is the link to our page on Facebook, just in case you wanna verify the figure haha, and yes you haven't missed the chance to like the page too.

:O

I'm deadly surprised. He's following me. Can you believe this? WHOA IT'S JOHN MAYER !!!

October 29, 2011

Style and functionality

It would be nice if i have one. Combination of both beauty and function. So I'll be able to easily carry my projects with a hint of vintage glam and of course limit the help from those who owns a car. Kan?

October 24, 2011

Escapade

I don't know why i chose to escape. Perhaps because this was an option or certain part of my unconscious mind just know what it was all about.

Location: Bota Kanan, Perak

That girl

There she is.
Wearing typical baju kurung.
Cotton fabric, fits her well.
With floral motives so lovely.

Shoulder length hair.
Untied, freely moving around.
Bouncing back and forth, up and down.
The smell of blooming roses, divine.

Walking gracefully, so happy.
Wearing smile naturally, no hypocrisy.
Shy.
With a hint of bravery in the eyes.

Angelic you are.
And i'm waiting for you to come.
Please come.

October 11, 2011

Of designing and stressing out.

I critically need creative ideas and inspirations to cater my brain to DESIGN something. Hence i will be requiring peace and serenity physically and emotionally. Since stressed out situation leads to a stressed design, i shall take a moment to breathe and begin.


p/s: Is it true that women are capable to be multitask-er rather than men? 



September 25, 2011

Inspiration 01

While trekking in one of the trails in Cameron Highland, we found this. Divine.

A wild mushroom with golf ball texture

September 7, 2011

Time as a foe

Time chooses to be my foe, not friends. Mixed feelings are tormenting me leaving me in complete blankness urging me  to find my own way back to be on track. Back in Perak on Friday. No much time left. God help me.










Honestly, i'm angry with myself and terrified. We can't dwell in the past. Move on.

September 3, 2011

Hypocrisy

"Adeeb memang ada banyak buat salah pon."

What the effing shit that i did wrong?
You're the one who committed it. Oh i must have forgotten. You were unconscious everytime you wreck my nerve and break my heart. That's who  you are.

Don't you think apologizing and forgiving each other during the first Hari Raya morning is an act of hypocrisy?

I believe so. Maaf zahir batin everyone.
*sigh

August 27, 2011

Dream

So i dreamt of a snake chasing me and later i googled the tafsiran;

"Bermimpi ular mengejar anda bermakna ada seseorang mencintai anda."


:O

August 23, 2011

Shrugs inducing


So it's been far too much for a few days. As if there's someone who will read my rants, thoughts, blabbers and what's not whenever i write here, i'm truly sorry if you've been religious to this temporary-not-in-the-mood-to-write writer.

There's just too much going on around me and truth be told, i sometimes question myself about things that i am doing and things that i did, but i often end up in self puzzlement en route to search for the answer. Am i lost?

I don't know what type of person i was, i've been and i am in the future because who am i to hold the key of the future? If ever i committed anything that might seem wrong to you, here is the massive apologize from me to whoever you are.

If these are the things that bring me up to the mature side of me, should it be okay?

What is happening to me? I don't even know what am i writing about? What if i conclude everything above by stating that this is just another crap-with-some-effort-to-write-something from me.

So the real current things are i read overly-dosed of political blogs, i'm still tiredly working while some others not, and last but not least, assignment has come to a point where i am now scared to death for being a procrastinator.

Is someone really reading this? Well i guess not.

August 2, 2011

July 18, 2011

A Love Not Colonizing

By Farish A. Noor


The narrative of love is peculiar in its static monotony and the fact that it can nonetheless appeal to the one addressed. Though the same utterances are made time and again, and the words have been spoken since time immemorial, three simple words strung together in a sentence stir the emotions of the one to whom they are directed, and even the most rational counsel fails to temper the heart-strings, once pulled. Reason tries in vain to pull back the reins of passion, but the emotions have bolted heavenwards.

Yet the litany of love rings hollow once the magic spell is broken; the hitherto-wondrous Other returns to the realm of the mundane and the ordinary; flight is grounded as angels' wings are clipped - the one you held resumes a human countenance, riddled with the flaws and failings of the mortal. 
Pain arises from the breaking of trust; the betrayal of innocence. Her touch is poisonous, venomous. The Self recoils in horror, the horror of knowing.

Can there be a love not colonising? 
A love not grasping, beholding, robbing and stealing? A love that does not invade that sacred space of one's self-knowing, the secret garden we all have and are entitled to have, the garden of nostaligic longings and regret, pain passed, hopes dashed, lost smiling memories, quiet moments of solitude and lonely walks down the pathways of memory and reflection.
Chauduri's thoughts on the four windows of the soul come to mind: No matter how open we are, we all have - and must have - a private space, a secret garden, to call our own.
And no matter how closed we might be, we all can - and must - have that capacity to open up to the Other when the situation arises.

Yet this tension between opening and closing, between sharing and privacy, is a secret tension we all bear upon ourselves. It is our lot, as sentient beings who love and can love and wish to love. But it is a sacred tension; a higher, nobler lament, that we must carry knowingly and with respect.

There lies the moral dilemma of love: To love, to want, to wish to possess; and yet to restrain ourselves from that maddening, insane, irrational temptation to possess the Other entirely. Like some childlike infantile longing to grasp with clammy hands the Other and in that suffocating embrace arrest the Other for eternity, to freeze the Other in the gaze of the lover and to render immobile, arrested, policed, the object of love as an object possessed; though in this case it is the lover who is possessed.

How many times have I suffered this tiresomely repetitive episode; like some tawdry soap opera that is repeated ad infinitum for want of anything else to entertain. The same sad, pathetic, sickening spectacle of the Other, clumsy in love, stupid in jealousy, childish in conceit, irrational in faith, intolerant and oppressive in longing: The Other who enters your space, is welcomed into the privacy of one's most intimate and innermost confession, only to see the colonising tentacles of possessiveness uncoil and reach out, grasping, touching, moving and removing all those things that are so dear to me. 
'I only want you for myself'; 'I want to love you for myself', 'I only want to start a new life with you', 'I only want you to forget your past', and so on, and so forth: the plaintive cries of the other are so, so, tiring and predictable; they no longer move, they no longer affect.
How odd, and sad, that the one who professes love is often the one who doesn’t understand what it is, and what it entails. 
To talk of love and loving is glib and facile; living with the attendant responsibilities of respect and ethics is something else entirely. The former is the aspiration, the latter the deed.

How many times have I witnessed this sad pantomine of misguided emotions let loose? How many times have my space been invaded, my possessions divested, my memories trampled upon and forced to retreat before the advance of the one who professes love but who only imposes? 
How many times have I returned only to find that one other memory of mine has been robbed from me; one more photograph displaced, one more letter torn or burnt, one more note effaced. How many times have my space been invaded by the intrusive claws of this thing they call Love.

Our pain and our past make us who and what we are. There are those who try to forget, but some of us try to reconcile and re-member the broken body of our shattered history as best we can; and to live and live on, as scarred bodies that carry the shards and fragments of our broken pasts embedded in our selves. 
My pains and my memories are mine, and nobody has the right to rob me of them. To love, and to utter those fateful words that profess that love, is never easy: One loves only when one can accept the other in the Other's totality, warts and all, flaws notwithstanding. Yet how many times have I been proven wrong, and how many times have my judgment faltered. Every outward gesture, every invitation, has instead been met with intrusion, invasion, violation of my private space, my Self.

Oh, for a love not colonising. For a love that is born out of acceptance and not wanting, not possessing, not clasping, not suffocating. 
For a love that can sit by your side on the park bench, quietly smiling, watching from close yet afar, with wonderment and tenderness. 
For a love that sees with eyes that do not spy; hands that touch but never clutch. 
A love content, quiet, still in its constancy and that says to itself: "Here beside me is the man I love, in a world entirely his own, vast, expansive, rich".
How far am I from that happy land; and for now all I am left with are my memories that echo like footsteps in the dark. 
Yet rather that than possession; may nothing and no-one ever own me.

Beyond capacity

I think i should write novels. A novel at least. Sooner or later.

June 29, 2011

Everyone should watch this

How's Muslims treated in America


Credits to Miyko for giving this video link on twitter. Worth watching and sharing. Moved me and sure you'll too unless you have a rotten rock-hard heart.

June 26, 2011

what goes up must come down

"Hidup ibarat roda"

Cliche kan?

But it really is.

Sometimes kita di atas and sometimes kita di bawah.

Life is rotating and is about taking turn.

One day kau dapat something, and the next day kau tak dapat apa-apa pon.

One day you're in, and the next day you're out. project runway! rindu kau!
-___-"

Things will not be the same :'(

 Aaaaa.... These two guys are still in DL !

Izzat. Fine~

Shahin. Fineeeeeee~

 why not me? Aaaaaa.... 

Okay, poyo sangat. Dah tau dah kenapa *tampar laju2

Dengan ini juga ucapan khas ditujukan kepada ayah ibu.



i just can't get this thing out of my head