Sigh

You know, it's such a disappointment sipping and swallowing the fact that some people can be really shallow and self minded when it comes to handling emotions. Finding the one who started the fire should not be the question because it will only solve nothing.

~ ~ ~

I feel like going private with all of my social site accounts.

~ ~ ~

I think I should just remain silent though it's hard. Since other's feelings don't matter to you and all that you know is that you're always right, I should just betray myself and name myself the guilty one. I'll let you win the game. Yes, you win.

Inhale, exhale.

Wait, I don't even know what my fault is but things clearly show that I'm getting a silent treatment. You neglect to tell me, you ignore me. Then how should I know?

Even if the truth reveals that I am the guilty one, why do you have to act childish and get sulky over a small thing? Okay I don't know whether it's just a small thing or what but I know myself better than you are. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't remember myself purposely committing anything hugely sinful to you. If I ever, please, take my heartiest apology and accept it.

Please. Take time to ponder. Until when do we have to be like this? Fake smiles and conversations. Cold shoulders all those pretentious acts. Again, until when? You tell me. I'm jaded of all the dramas. Can we just let bygones be bygones and just bury the hatchet?

~ ~ ~

I love my friends. I always do. This kind of friendship is so special and priceless that I would never ever trade with anything else in the world. A friend told me that people come and go but that's not how I see things. Whether they are good friends or not, they should always be remembered. I would say that friends have shaped me to who I am today because people influence and get influenced.

Having friends is one of the best part of life. Though there are times when I feel like I don't really have friends at all and to deal with the feel of being a pathetic loner which is very hurtful, I know that these times are just one bitter chapter of friendship and time will eventually heal the problems. Is it?

I don't know. There are ups and downs in everything and life is about giving and taking. It's not always about you. The world does not revolve just around you. It's about everything and anyone else too.

Who's to say who is right and who is wrong? You decide.

I'm tired and suffocated. Let's be with God.

Bye.

Hypocrisy

"Adeeb memang ada banyak buat salah pon."

What the effing shit that i did wrong?
You're the one who committed it. Oh i must have forgotten. You were unconscious everytime you wreck my nerve and break my heart. That's who  you are.

Don't you think apologizing and forgiving each other during the first Hari Raya morning is an act of hypocrisy?

I believe so. Maaf zahir batin everyone.
*sigh

Time and Perfection

Nanti saya update okay?
I'm sorry.

Raining days

I believe it's too early to say this but hell, i already feel like quitting.

And it's not because of me, but them.

Act wiser. Please.

time shall not come back

1. Archidinner was a tremendous success. Praised by everyone.
2. Crisis is over but yet come another one.
3. People are expectedly unpredictable.
4. Architecture is taking its toll on me. 
5. Workloads are killing me.
6. What happens to the world? I seriously don't know.

I shouldn't stop now. Finish what i have started, what i have been doing.

This flesh is not enough to cope with everything.

Sigh and thoughts on my twitter.

Punches and kicks, thank you.

crucial as it seems

without support, i'm losing my balance. these work loads are killing me...

if only this is not the beginning

i've gone through a lot of things these past few days and truth be told, it deeply hurts this exhausted flesh of mine be it physically, emotionally and spiritually.

it has been very hectic and cruel and everything that i could barely remember.

if only i could run away from all of this...

i miss my family a lot.

greatest thanks to friends who always stand by my side. i'll never forget you and there'll always be a portion of this pathetic empty space of my heart and soul for you.

mmm...

sorry kalau aku banyak merungut. i'll change myself for my own good. sorry and thanks a lot.

shit

i'm having a very bad flu
and it's damn sucks!

yesterday was a misery. now is today

everything was miserable last week which i loathe the most. hectic week ever. i didnt get much of sleeping. there's even a day that i ddint sleep at all. this is due to the effing assignments, projects, tests and so whatever.

enough of yesterday. what now is now. it's study week now which means i dont have any class to attend. everybody's going back home but me and few of my coursemates. reason for not going back home? entah, malas. i dont even tell ibu that now is study week. again, entah, malas. i know i should have told ibu and i should be going back home. plus, ayah hasnt recovered yet and ibu's working. so ibu did ask me to go back whenever i got free time. at least there's someone at home to guard ayah. entahlah... i'll go back when i change my mind.

sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga

i'd never thought things would be this bad. this is not what i'd expected before. ayah experienced an operation last few days. a minor one involving his heart. i know that this is serious but ibu told me that it's just a minor operation. so i thought ayah would be fine. yes, he was fine right after the operation but what made thing worse was, he fell down, about two days after that. to be exact, three times. two in the bathroom while the other one was while he's stepping on the stairs. pity him.

and because of this, ibu forced me to go back home. at first, i didnt wanna go back because i got tons of assignments and projects to be submitted early next week. i'm surely gonna do nothing at home because there's too much interruptions. but then, when i took some time to ponder, i believe that it's okay to sacrifice. they are my family, my own flesh and blood. so i went back home by bus with my nike bag and my oh-so-big drawing bag as company.

i felt like crying when i first saw ayah. he's fine. but i was thinking too far. what if ayah's gone? what would happen to ibu, to me, to us? but i didnt show my feelings and emotions. i just hid it because i didnt want ayah to feel sad to get hurt. i've been such an ungrateful son for the time being. i'm not satisfied with the things that i already have. i'd always want more. enough adeeb! it's time to repent and remorse.

talking bout next week is enough to send shivers and give me goosebumps. now at home, how could i do my work? with the relatives keep on coming to visit ayah and not forgetting the bunch of nosy little cousins. oh...my... these are such a disturbance. this is my main reason for neglecting to go back home at the first place. final project for architectural composition is due next tuesday, mandarin test on monday night, ctu presentation and test on tuesday night, economics test on wednesday and loads more. what should i do?

serve me right

mandarin test was effingly tough and difficult. seriously gile susah kot!  i know i shouldnt blame the questions nor the lecturer but ntah la. hbisla grade ak... ibu tau nnt? off with my head! the previous tests werent hard like this so i thought it would be the same, easy. but hell no. i'm the who are supposed to be blamed. no one else. i didnt do much preparations. bace buku baru brp page dh turn sleepy. rsult truk padan muka. padan muka. padan muka.

if i could really use a wish right now... please God, be with me

shoot me on my head

sorry... i should have updated this blog. dh berhabuk n bersawang. i know. i'll do the clean up in a short while.